Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

kamarku.sekarang

Ini kamarku yg baru.. Aku akhirnya suka juga sama kamar ini, meskipun masa adjustmentnya lama.. dan sayangny.. di kamar ini, banyak banget kenangan jeleknya =/.
Tapi.. ada juga kenangan2 penting dikamar ini.
Misalnya, waktu pacarku ngasih tau papaku meninggal.. aku juga lagi di kamar ini. Di depan komputerku.. dan dia duduk dikasurku dengan muka bersalah seakan2 habis melakukan kesalahan besar dan sedang memohon ampunanku. Matanya aja udah merah, mukanya juga.
Ternyata bukan kesalahan yg dia mau akui =/.

Trus aku juga pindah ke kamar ini dengan paksa sebenernya.. dan aku dulu menentang habis2an pindah ke kamar ini. Tapi sekarang akhirnya aku lega aku pindah ke kamar ini. Meskipun masih harus lama kemudian.
Trus kamar ini juga panas dan ngga ada pemandangannya, beda sama kamar Admiraal. Intinya, awalnya ak ngga suka kamar ini. Banyak kenangan jeleknya, but I guess, kenangan jelek pun, akhirnya jadi bagianku juga.

Eniwes, yg diatas itu kasurku, lukisan diatasnya punya si Lala yg akhirny jadi punyaku, trus kompiku merangkap jadi TVku. Laptopku aku rusakin pas marah2 dan akhirnya sekarang dipakai sama si Momon setelah dia sukses benerinnya =p.


Ini suasana kamarku kalau sudah mau bobo. Lampu utama mati, lampu baca nyala dan komik dimana2 =D. Kadang2 maen DS juga sampe akhirnya nyadar kalo diluar jendela udah terang.
Diatas pemanas ada dua boneka. Yg warna-warni namanya Pelangi, aku dapet dari papaku waktu aku masih umur 2 tahun. Sampai sekarang masih ada. Yg satunya dikasih Dinto dapet dari pasar malam =D.



Itu "keranjang" baju kotorku dan papan totol2ku yg makin sepi aja =p.
Trusny.. itu pojokan lemariku yg kesumpel2 sama gitar bas dan tas2 yg bergeletakan.

Yg bikin kamar lama dan kamar sekarang sama cuma keberantakannya =D

kamarku.Admiraal

Ah ya.. Kamar Admiraalku tercinta.
I was just opening old files on my computer today.
I found old pictures and I cant help my self reminiscing the past.

These pictures almost (almost!) made me cry.
Habisny.. rasanya kangen banget sama Admiraal. Well, compare to my new room, my room in Admiraal was like 3 times bigger. And the bed too. Im lucky to have doble bed in my room just for myself. I always like big bed, just like my room in Indo.

Tapi bukan masalah big bed atau engganya.. dan bukan juga masalah kamar Admiraal gede banget dan menyenangkan (meskipun memang gede banget dan menyenangkan), tapi lebih ke kenangannya. Waktu masih sekamar sama si Niken, dan si Rini sekamar sama si Ayu. Dan dari mulai rumah itu dihuni 6 makhluk; Aku, Niken, Rini, Ayu, Dinto dan Remon. Sampai akhirnya si Remon yg keluar dan pindah ke Rode. Trus akhirnya selama hampir dua taun kita tinggal berlima disitu. Aku, Dinto dan Niken jadi skamar. Rini dan Ayu dikamar sebelahnya.
Meskipun jadi uyel2an.. but its alot of fun. Dan I felt like I had a family dan kita selalu merasa senang. Si Dinto yg jadi kaya anak kita bersama, trus si Ayu yg suka masak2, aku yg selalu beres2 dan ceria, trus si niken yg evil-genius dan gloomy2 dan si Rini yg suka dandan2. Aku merasa lengkap!

Akhirnya jumlah Admiraal jadi berkurang lagi. Dinto keluar. Setelah mengisi2 hari2 kita dengan kenang2an yg tidak akan terlupakan.

Duh, aku kangen! Masa2 bahagia yg ngga terlupakan! I miss my old room.

ini lucu juga

Selain Guess-the-Google.

Biasanya juga ak maen2 ini.

Globulos

atau ini

MicroLife

Disini kita harus donlot dulu sie.. ak ngga tau dmana bisa maen tanpa dl =/, padahal dulu ada.

Well, anyways.. masih bisa have fun dengan ini =p

keisengan ini

Ya.. ini ada game lutu.
Udah dari lama maennya dan udah mulai2 bosen =p.
Pi sebenernya menyenangkan. Bagi pengguna google, here's a challenge.

Guess-the-Google

the usuals

Arghh.. am gonna miss you all so so so so so soooo much my soul sisters!!!

should I?

Haruskah aku?
Haruskah aku katakan padanya kalau aku membencinya?

 

Kalau baru pertama kali ini membenci orang sekuat aku membenci dia.

Kalau aku ngga tau apa itu benci sampai aku membencinya.

Kalau dia membukakan mataku kepada dunia kebencian.

Kalau sebelumnya aku cuma bisa membenci diriku sendiri sampai akhirnya aku merasa muak.

 

Ugh, please! Haruskah aku bilang. Aku bilang aku benci kamu!

Dan mungkin aku bisa lega. Dan mungkin aku bisa lupa.

 

Ah.. mungkin aku masih harus berusaha lebih kuat untuk memaafkannya.

Aku ngga pengen kebencian makan aku hidup2 kaya gini.

Aku pasti bisa, suatu hari, maafin dia.. atau mungkin, maafin aku sendiri.

Incubus - Drive

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before,
and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there,
I'll be there.

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will I choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive? oh oh oooh.
It's driven me before
and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that
when I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. Yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there,
I'll be there...

Would you choose water over wine....
hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
I'll be there

Dududuu Dududu Dududududu
Tomorrow Dududududuu
Dududuuu Dududu Dududududu
Tomorrow...

1975

Gila.. udah kaya taun aja -__-"

the worm within

Ah.. nemu ini website.
Tadi sambil utek2 websitenya si Chris Bishop nemu website ini. The Worm Within.
Isinya cerita tentang pengalaman seorang cowok ngalahin drugs. Pi digambarin dengan bagus banget dan webnya ngga kalah serunya. Lutu.

The worm within itu lay outnya bikinan si Chris Bishop, pi websitenya sendiri www.fry.com isinya macem2. Penuh sama cerita2 inspirasionalnya orang2 dengan layout web yg lutu2.

Have fun!

finally

I purchased 10 of these today.

 

1 for me

1 for Mumu

1 for my sister

1 for my boyfriend

 

And my battle against cancer begins today.

Sudah pengen dari lama banget, tapi sempet ngga minat pas akhirnya banyak banget yg bikin gelang2 serupa.

But something happened dan ternyata aku pengen lagi.

 

and my special thanks goes to Arifin ;)

Maybe I just need some fresh air

Ho-ho-ho

 

Balik dari dokter. Hasilnya? Masih harus nunggu sampai besok. Hari ini ternyata saya cuma daftar huisart dulu, since emang dari dulu ngga pernah punya.
Akhirnya tadi daftar huisart deket rumah.

Tempatnya kecil tapi rame. Orang2nya juga menyenangkan. Dokternya ada 3. Resepsionis/administratornya ada 2.

Pasiennya banyak jenisnya. Besar kecil item putih semua ada. Mungkin karena pelayanannya ramah. Ngga mau kalah sama pelayanan albert-hijn sebelahnya mungkin.

 

Bikin appointment on the day that you wanna come katanya mbak resepsionisnya. I wanna come today. Sayangnya udah telat. Appointment cuma bisa dilakukan antara jam 8-10 pagi. Mbak resepsionisnya menyarankan telpon antara jam 8-9, jam 10 biasanya dokter2 udah fully booked. Well.. banyak yg sakit emang hari2 ini.

 

Sementara aku yg sakit, yg dapet sms dari keluarga malah pacarku. Knapa? Ah.. keluargaku emang ngga percaya sama hapeku/aku. Emang sie hapeku sempet error, atau emang suka aku anggurin, dan aku emang males angkat telpon. Um.. hehehe, mungkin alasan mereka bener. Emang lebih baik sms ke pacarku aja.

Dan membuahkan hasil akhirnya Mumu menyerahkan-mempercayakan-memberitanggungjawab semua permasalahan kesehatanku ke dia. Somehow bikin dia kegirangan dan langsung mengambil langkah2 untuk mengatur makanku/aku. Peraturan pertama: No sambel!

Akhirnya mereka berdua (Mumu dan pacarku) sibuk smsan sepanjang jalan. Ah, ngga hanya Mumu, si Wowot juga langsung sigap sms dia. Ah, aku iri. Aku mau jadi pacarku. At least, aku bisa ngatur makanku sendiri. Peraturan pertama: Sambel is good for your health!

 

Tapi akhirnya aku bisa bernapas sedikit lega hari ini. Mungkin aku cuma kurang gerak aja. Kemaren malam buat napas aja sakit, sekarang sudah lumayan. Tapi apa hubungannya kurang gerak sama susah napas dan paru2 sakit?

 

Ah what the hell.. hari ini sudah mendingan, daripada semalam saya sampai ngga bisa tidur karena susah napas dan kesakitan. Kasihan juga pacarku, seharian ini aku bentak2 terus. Mungkin kalau aku sakit emang aku jadi judes, atau memang aku judes sebenernya? Hehehe, terserahlah. Tapi hari ini aku sukses teriak2 dijalan dan marah2 karena kesakitan.

Semoga besok berjalan dengan baik sama dokternya. Me dont like doctors. Dan semoga aja ini bener seperti kata pacarku. Ini penyakit orang yg suka bgadang dan buktinya adekku pun setuju dengan bilang itu memang penyakit turunan. Well, bukan salahku kalau aku sama papaku suka ngobrol dimalam hari sambil lihat2 bintang. Akhirnya aku pun terbiasa tidur malam (pagi).

Ugh

Punggungku sakit.

 

Rematikkah? mungkin juga. Aku sering mandi malam. Seringnya setelah jam 12. Setelah Oprah bisa sampai jam 1 malam aku baru mandi. Kalau lagi malas dan ngantuk, bisa sampai jam 3 pagi baru mandi. Rematik di awal umur 20an? Ngga lucu.

 

Flukah? Bisa juga. Akhir2 ini lagi musim flu. Biasanya sebelum kena flu sakit tulang tulu. Badan pegel2, nyeri2, selera makan meninggat? Hehehe, kayanya ngga termasuk deh.

 

Um.. atau malah PMS nie? Ah.. ngga, aku habis selesai dapet. Kecuali kalo badanku mulai aneh lagi dan aku dapet 2 kali dalam sebulan kaya beberapa bulan yg lalu.

Sakit lagi. Tiap dibuat napas, dia nyeri2. Kaya salah napas, pi parah, sampe dua hari ngga sembuh2.

 

Trus? knapa dunks?

Kanker? Usus buntu? Blassonsteking?

 

Ugh.. punggungku sakit.

mermaid panggang

You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in
the sea, looking and watching all humanity with
curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided
personality - On one hand, you revel in your
freedom and often prefer to live in your own
private dreams and on the other hand, humanity
intrigues you and you love watching on.

You
are actually very kind at heart and, hating to
see people hurt, you despise injustice. You
probably have one or two special friends, who
mean the world to you.

Also; you are probably
quite political, wanting to see justice done in
the world.

You are quite the dreamer, needing
your freedom and personal space to dream your
little dreams. You love to escape into a book
or some good music and just drift away.

Some
of your good points are that you are sensitive,
compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad
points are that you may come across as cool and
aloof to others and probably have a tendency to
depression.

You are the ultimate dreamer with
a kind - yet troubled heart.


Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

positivity, where are you?

Ah ya

I don't know when it start or how it start, all of a sudden I realized that I've been thinking-focusing too much on the bitter side of the world.

I've seen too much of that mud and I forgot about the flowers and the raindrops and all oh-that-beauty after the rain.

Negativity lives in me and manifest itself and shape me into who I am today. At least for these past 2 years.

 

I'm not that person that I remember I am.

I used to read. I like to read. I read comic, I read book, I read my sister's diary, I read newspapers, and damn it, I even read my school books.

I used to write. I wrote since I remember I can wrote. I even made this small pocket book from myself full with my short-stories that I made for my younger sisters. I love to write and they love it too.

I used to love people. Now, people annoys me. Its not that I hate them (its not true, but I guess its better to wrote that than "I hate all of 'em"), its just that now I cant even start to imagine being in a room with a whole bunch of people where they are all talking (nonsense).

I'm envious. I don't know what I want.

I don't have an ambition. I used to have one and I love being this ambition-driven kinda girl. A friend of mine asked me this question once "if you can choose between life full of achievements or life full of pleasure, which one would you choose?"

I chose life full of achievements. Achievements makes me feel capable, worthy and that I have serve my purpose of living this life. At that time.

The best part is that I used to dreams. I kept my dreams and I made them real.

I used to love myself. I loved myself the way I am. Now I have all these bruises that I keep making every time I got mad, mostly to myself for being ugly, unloved, unwanted, indecisive, fat, stubborn, stupid, uncapable and insecure. I'm suicidal. I dont wanna be suicidal. I have borderline personality disorder and I dont wanna have any kind of disorder.

 

Now am here, reminiscing the past and thinking. Thinking where did I go? Where did my positivity go? What turns me into me?

Where did that bakso-bakar-lover girl? Where did that pangsit-dempo-lover girl? Where's Bambang's bestfriend? Yogie's and Henry's bestfriend? Gosong's? Momon's? Rini's? Niken's? Ayu's? I miss admiraal.

Where did that girl that reminds Steve's with R.E.M songs happy-shiny-people. Ah.. I'm gone.

 

I need positivity people. Where are you positivity?

always in my heart

Bila memar yang bertalu/
Bila gebyar sendu yang menderu/
Dan jika pilu yang menyergapmu/
Maka temukan penawar dalam khusyu-mu/
Maka lerai gundahmu dalam pintamu/
Di penghujung malam.

... dan rinduku untukmu
selalu berderu
dalam gairahku menuju cinta Rabb-ku,
lewat lisanku,
sampaikan doaku-
dalam malamku-
untukmu

Accept the fact, deal with it and move on with your life.
I miss you, Dad.

Incubus - I wish you were here

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy.. happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy
With holes punched in it
I'm counting UFOs
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy.. happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here

The world's a roller coaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air saying:

I wish you were here
I wish you were

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here

Ah.. sepinya

these kewl stuff I found

Yaps.. mengerjakan tugas dan browsing2 internet membuahkan hasil yg memuaskan. I found these kewl websites. Ada comic, trus illustration, web-design, fine-art. All in one. Mereka bahkan menjual buttons. I'm a sucker for buttons.

Ada websitenya si Chris Bishop
Isinya tuh illustrationnya dia, web-design, trus buttons yg dijual fine-art juga yg lutu2 banget.

Trus dia juga bikin satu comic judulnya HER! Girl vs. Pig
Kinda funny actually.

Trus ada satu comic yg udah aku baca since about a year ago. Lutu dan dia pelihara zombie.
Just what I had in mind for a pet. But pet stores rarely sell this kinda creatures.
Ah ya.. and he has a cute girlfriend. DirtyGirl. I can totally relate to her. She's ok.
Ornery Boy

And then there's this creatures in my head
Ini juga cool dan membuatku berpikir makhluk2 apa yg muncul in the dark realm of my head every time I got into troubles.
My friend told me about this website and now one of the creatures are posing for my desktop background. Its cute and its drooling all the time. So I pick him.

Fuzzy is a scheming, amoral and occassionally sadistic bear-like creature with tall ambitions and a short attention span. I like him.
You can check him out di sini

Ibis Paris Tour Eiffel Cambronne

2, Rue Cambronne

75015 Paris, France

 

(+33)1/406121221

:s

Ugh.. that b#tch again doing her b#tchy thing.

I hope she rot in hell and I hope she got what she deserved.

 

Um.. no no.

Well, at least I hope she knows that she's hurting me.

But what the hell.

 

Ah.. sudah mulai malam. Pikiran jelek mulai creeping in.

Um.. sudah waktu sholatkah ini?

huhms.. better :)

Why is it so dark in here?